11.24.20158 min read

5 Things You Need to Read: Mental Vacation Edition

It’s officially the holidays. How do we know this? Red Starbucks cups, Christmas decorations in department stores that have been up since at least Halloween, radio stations are in full Christmas carol mode, and, of course, the fact that there is a holiday this week: Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving turkey

If you’re not in the United States, and ergo do not celebrate Thanksgiving, the holiday tie-in won’t be as relevant, but chances are you’re still prepping for Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday, and the start of Christmas shopping. Whew. 

Combine that with the fact that if you are in the States you’re probably getting in a lot of family time this week and, boy, are you going to need a break. Thankfully, the Internet is an excellent purveyor of all things distracting. So here are some things to read to give your brain a break. 

Client Feedback on the Creation of the Earth (via @mcsweeneys)

“Are the winged birds final, or placeholder? Some kind of weird stuff going on with those. Just want to get some clarification before giving more feedback.”

Lucille Bluth Arrested Development eye roll

You don’t have to have worked at an agency to know that sometimes clients, bless their hearts, are the worst. This classic piece of satire is an email sent to God giving feedback on, you guessed it, the creation of the earth. How do you feel about the color of the sky, does it skew a little too male? Thoughts? 

Things That Will Happen If I Don’t Take My Phone Out Right Now (via @NewYorker)

Someone will send me an e-mail marked “URGENT” and it will, for once, actually be quite urgent (probably about free food), and I won’t see it until it’s too late (all the free food is gone).”

one does not simply reject free food

Did someone just text you or was it a phantom vibration? How could you determine who’s right without Googling it? If you don’t get a photo of your kid at the one second the whole dang day he decides to actually sit still and smile, how could you let everyone know that your holiday was Pinterest perfect?

These and more are all things that could happen if you don’t take your phone out right now. This list is scary. It’s been 30 seconds since you last checked your phone—do you know where your phone is? 

Lisa Kudrow saying, "that's my phone... we should stop."

Yelp Is on a Mission to Mend Its Relationship With Small Businesses (via @Buzzfeed)

After years of making the reviewers the number-one priority—pouring considerable resources, for example, into developing and growing the Yelp Elite program—it would seem that Yelp is interested in changing how small business owners think about the company.”

Maybe when you’re hiding in the bathroom to get some peace and quiet you want to read something of more relevant substance. You can turn, of all places, to Buzzfeed for their recent article on how Yelp is trying to get small businesses to like them.

Small businesses and Yelp have had a fraught relationship for a lot of reasons, which are detailed in the article. So Yelp paid for 100 small business owners to come to Yelp’s headquarters for some education and good old-fashioned wooing. How’d it go? Check out the article.

9 Nodding Strategies for Your Next Meeting (via @sarahcpr)

No , I don't remember head nod

This is a really convincing strategy when you’re on the hook for something that you never intend to do.”

This handy guide to nodding may be oriented toward looking like you’re paying attention in a meeting, but there’s nothing stopping you from whipping—or slow nodding—this out during your holiday family gatherings. Your family may be awesome, but sometimes you just don’t need to hear another remark about how it’s just so great to have kids before you’re 30. And then you’ll be all practiced up for your business meetings. It’s a valuable use of your time.

Read some hilarious Amazon reviews

“I left this product next to my pet lizard, unfortunately now he's 350 feet tall and is currently destroying Tokyo, Japan.”

Godzilla destroying a city

Customer reviews are really important (see previous article about Yelp) but just take a few minute stop stressing and enjoy just how creative humans can be by checking out some of the funniest Amazon reviews online. Our favorites here include reviews on Bic Crystal For Her Ball Pen, the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer, the book How to Avoid Huge Ships, and, naturally, Uranium ore.

You’re welcome.

Need some additional reading? Check out an inspirational story from an Infusionsoft customer or prep for Small Business Saturday.

Happy Thanksgiving!

8-bit dancing pumpkin pie


This article was written by Ellis Friedman from Infusionsoft Blog and was legally licensed through the NewsCred publisher network.

green paper airplane

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